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uk Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations coworker asks about sex life • intrusive questions at work • sexual questions from colleague • unwanted sexual comments at work • workplace sexual harassment • being asked personal sexual details • colleague crossing boundaries • repeated inappropriate questions • sexualised conversation at work • uncomfortable sexual jokes coworker • personal questions won’t stop • harassment by coworker • worried about retaliation at work • manager doesn’t take it seriously • feeling unsafe at work from coworker • boundary setting at work • documenting incidents at work • uncomfortable one-to-one conversations

What to do if…
a coworker repeatedly asks about your sex life and the questions become more intrusive

Short answer

Treat this as a workplace sexual-harassment issue and start creating a clear record while you escalate it through your employer’s reporting route as soon as you can.

Do not do these things

  • Do not “joke along” or give extra personal details just to make it stop.
  • Do not handle it entirely in private if it’s continuing or escalating.
  • Do not send angry, insulting messages that could be used to shift focus onto your reaction.
  • Do not agree to “off the record” chats as a substitute for a proper report if you want it to end.
  • Do not assume you must resign or “put up with it” to keep your job.

What to do now

  1. Get to a safer pause and reduce contact today. If you can, move desks, take a different route to facilities, stay near others, or ask a colleague to stay with you when the person is around.
  2. Set one clear boundary (only if it feels safe). Use a short line you can repeat: “Don’t ask me about my sex life. It’s not appropriate at work.” Then end the interaction (walk away, change seats, return to your task).
  3. Start a simple incident log immediately. After each incident, note: date/time, exact words or close paraphrase, where it happened, who was present, how you responded, and what happened next. Keep it somewhere the coworker cannot access (personal notes app, paper at home, or private email to yourself).
  4. Preserve any written evidence without escalating the situation. Save messages, chats, emails, and meeting notes. If something is on workplace systems, follow your policy: don’t forward it widely—either save it in line with policy or note message timestamps/locations so it can be retrieved.
  5. Report it using your employer’s policy route, and name the issue plainly. Look up your harassment policy / code of conduct / grievance procedure (handbook or intranet). When you report, describe it as unwanted sexual questions and explain it’s affecting your ability to work. (In the UK, unwanted conduct of a sexual nature at work can amount to sexual harassment under the Equality Act 2010.)
  6. Ask for specific protective steps while it’s handled. Examples: a no-contact instruction, different reporting line, desk/team change, a witness in meetings, limiting 1:1 interactions, or working from home temporarily (if possible). Keep requests factual: “I need the questions to stop and I need to feel safe at work.”
  7. Bring support into the process. If you have a union, ask a rep to join meetings. If not, ask whether you can bring a colleague to formal meetings.
  8. If you feel threatened or unsafe, treat it as safety-first. If there are threats, stalking, coercion, or physical intimidation: leave the area, tell security/reception if you have it, and consider contacting the police. If you’re in immediate danger call 999; if it’s not an emergency, use 101 or online reporting for your local force.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide right now whether you’ll stay in the job long-term.
  • You do not need to perfectly word a “formal complaint” before you alert someone.
  • You do not need to confront the coworker again if it feels unsafe or pointless.
  • You do not need to gather “proof” beyond keeping a basic log and preserving what already exists.

Important reassurance

It’s common to freeze, laugh it off, or feel confused when someone keeps pushing sexual boundaries at work. The fact that the questions are “just questions” does not make them acceptable if they are unwanted and intrusive.

Scope note

These are first steps to stop escalation, reduce risk, and get the situation into a proper workplace process. Later steps may involve formal grievance routes or external advice, depending on how your employer responds.

Important note

This guide is general information for urgent first steps, not legal advice. If you feel in immediate danger, seek urgent help. If you want confidential support, consider speaking to a trusted person or a specialist support service.

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