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uk Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations

What to do if…
a coworker repeatedly asks intrusive questions about your sex life

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy UK guide

Short answer

Get away from the interaction if you can, make a simple note of what happened, and decide who at work can be told so the behaviour can be stopped. Repeated unwanted questions about your sex life at work can be sexual harassment.

Do not do these things

  • Do not answer personal sexual questions to keep the peace.
  • Do not joke along if that makes it harder to show the questions are unwanted.
  • Do not meet the coworker alone to “sort it out” if you feel unsafe or pressured.
  • Do not send angry or insulting messages that could shift attention onto your reaction.
  • Do not secretly record them unless you have checked your workplace policy or got advice, because recordings at work can create legal and disciplinary risks.
  • Do not assume you must resign, stay silent, or “put up with it” to keep your job.

What to do now

  1. Create a safer pause. Move nearer to other people, change desks if you can, leave the room, ask a trusted colleague to stay nearby, or end the call or chat.
  2. Use one clear boundary if it feels safe. Say: “Do not ask me about my sex life. It is not appropriate at work.” Then stop engaging and return to your task, leave, or put the conversation in writing.
  3. Write down the incident as soon as you can. Note the date, time, place, exact words or close wording, who was present, how you responded, and what happened next. Keep the note somewhere the coworker cannot access.
  4. Preserve what already exists. Save emails, chats, screenshots, calendar entries, meeting notes, or message timestamps. Do not forward workplace material widely; keep it private and in line with your workplace policy if possible.
  5. Decide who to tell at work. Check your harassment policy, code of conduct, grievance procedure, handbook, or intranet for the right reporting route. You can describe it plainly as repeated unwanted sexual questions that are affecting your work.
  6. Ask for immediate working arrangements while it is looked at. You can ask for no one-to-one contact, a different desk or rota, a different reporting line, a witness in meetings, written-only contact, security awareness, or temporary working from home if that is realistic for your role.
  7. Use support in the process. If you are in a union, contact your union representative. For a formal grievance meeting, you can usually make a reasonable request to be accompanied by a colleague, a certified workplace trade union representative, or an official employed by a trade union.
  8. If there is intimidation, stalking, threats, touching, or fear of immediate harm, prioritise safety. Leave the area if you can, tell reception or security if available, and contact police if needed. Call 999 for immediate danger; use 101 or online police reporting when it is not an emergency.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide today whether to stay in the job long-term.
  • You do not need perfect wording before alerting someone that this is happening.
  • You do not need to confront the coworker again if it feels unsafe or pointless.
  • You do not need to prove everything before making a first report or asking for protection.
  • You do not need to decide now whether to take legal action.

Important reassurance

Freezing, laughing awkwardly, or trying to minimise it in the moment is a common response when someone pushes sexual boundaries at work. The fact that the behaviour is framed as “just questions” does not make it acceptable if it is unwanted, repeated, or intrusive.

Scope note

These are first steps to stop escalation, reduce contact, keep a clear record, and get support around you. Later decisions may need specialist employment, union, legal, or equality advice depending on what happens next.

Important note

This guide is general information for urgent first steps, not legal advice, medical advice, financial advice, therapy, or professional representation. If you feel in immediate danger, seek urgent help.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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