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uk Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations friend disclosed sexual assault • someone told me they were raped • what to say to a survivor • how to respond to sexual assault disclosure • i froze when they told me • i don't know what to do first • supporting a friend after assault • listening after sexual violence • afraid of saying wrong thing • they told me in confidence • helping someone after rape • immediate steps after disclosure • friend says they were abused • sexual assault disclosure help • what if it happened long ago • what if it just happened • panic after friend told me • trauma disclosure response

What to do if…
a friend tells you they were sexually assaulted and you do not know what to do first

Short answer

Stay with them (in person or on the phone), believe them, and ask what they need right now to feel safer. If they’re in immediate danger or need urgent medical help, call 999.

Do not do these things

  • Do not ask “why” questions (why they didn’t leave, fight, scream, report, etc.).
  • Do not press them to report to police or to “do something right now”.
  • Do not investigate, interrogate, or ask for detailed step-by-step descriptions.
  • Do not contact the perpetrator or mutual friends to “confirm” anything.
  • Do not promise total secrecy if there is immediate danger to them or a child is at risk (you can still be honest and gentle about this).
  • Do not post, text screenshots, or share their story without explicit permission.

What to do now

  1. Ground the moment in one simple sentence.
    Say something like: “I’m really sorry this happened. I believe you. You’re not to blame.”

  2. Check immediate safety (without forcing details).
    Ask: “Are you safe right now?” and “Is the person who hurt you nearby or likely to come to you?”

    • If yes or you’re unsure: help them get to a safer place (another room, a friend’s home, a staffed public place), and call 999 if there’s immediate danger.

  3. Ask what they want in the next 30 minutes. Give options.
    Offer 2–3 concrete choices, not an open-ended “what should we do?” For example:

    • “Do you want me to stay on the phone / come over?”
    • “Do you want to talk to a specialist support line together?”
    • “Do you want help getting medical care or somewhere safe to sleep tonight?”

  4. Offer specialist support that does not require reporting.
    If they want trained support right away, offer to sit with them while they contact the 24/7 Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line (free) on 0808 500 2222 (phone) or use the free online chat option. This line is not an emergency service.
    If they are outside England (for example Scotland or Northern Ireland), you can still use the same approach: focus on safety first (999 for emergencies), and consider calling 111 for urgent medical advice and direction to local services.

  5. If it may have happened recently, offer medical support as an option (no pressure).
    You can say: “You don’t have to decide about police. If you want, a Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) can offer medical care and support.”
    If they want help accessing care, help them find the nearest SARC or seek medical help for injuries. If you’re not sure whether it’s an emergency, 111 can help you decide what to do next.

  6. Keep control with them.
    Use consent-based questions: “Is it okay if I ask…?” “Do you want advice or just someone with you?”
    If they say “don’t tell anyone,” respond: “Okay. I won’t share this without your permission, unless I’m really worried you or someone else is in immediate danger.”

  7. If they might want the option to report later, gently protect choices (optional).
    You can say: “Only if you want and it feels safe, you might choose to avoid changing or washing until you’ve spoken to a SARC—just so you keep your options open.” (If that feels upsetting or impractical, skip it.)

  8. Help with one practical stabiliser.
    Offer something small and immediate: water, a blanket, a quiet room, turning off notifications, arranging a taxi, or drafting a short message they can send to someone they trust (“I’m not okay tonight—can you be with me?”).

What can wait

  • They do not need to decide today whether to report to the police.
  • They do not need to give you every detail for you to help them.
  • You do not need to “solve” it or figure out what legally happened right now.
  • Any written account, timelines, screenshots, or next-step planning can wait until they’re safer and supported.

Important reassurance

It’s common to freeze, feel clumsy, or not know what to say. Being calm, believing them, and helping them connect to specialist support is already meaningful help.

Scope note

This is first steps only. Later choices (medical care, reporting, workplace/university steps, longer-term support) can be made with specialist help at their pace.

Important note

This guide is general information for immediate first steps, not legal or medical advice. If someone is in immediate danger or needs urgent medical help, call 999.

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