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uk Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations partner threatening to expose you • threatened to share sexual details • threatened to tell others sex life • threatened to spread sexual rumours • threatened to out you sexually • threatened to contact family or work • sexual blackmail by partner • coercion in relationship • partner says comply or else • threatened to post intimate content • threatened to share private photos • threatened to share private videos • threatened to leak nudes • threatened to leak sex info • intimate image abuse threat • revenge porn threat • sextortion by partner • digital abuse in relationship • scared partner will expose me

What to do if…
a partner says they will share private sexual details about you unless you comply

Short answer

Don’t comply. Get to a safer pause, stop the live back-and-forth, and get confidential specialist support so you can act without increasing risk.

Do not do these things

  • Do not agree to “just this once” demands (it usually increases leverage and repeats).
  • Do not send new sexual content, money, passwords, or “proof” to try to calm them down.
  • Do not argue in detail, justify yourself, or share more intimate details in messages (it can be copied and weaponised).
  • Do not delete messages/accounts in panic (you may want them later).
  • Do not confront them in person if that could put you at risk (especially if they’ve been violent or controlling).
  • Do not use a device/account they can access if you suspect monitoring.

What to do now

  1. Get to a safer pause first. If you’re with them, step away for a normal reason. If you feel in immediate danger, call 999.
  2. Stop the leverage. If you can, stop responding. If you must reply, keep it brief and non-negotiating (for example: “I’m not discussing this.”). Don’t bargain or offer compromises.
  3. Save the threat with minimal effort. Screenshot key messages showing the demand and threat, their account name, and dates/times. Note the app/platform.
    • Only store/share copies if you’re sure they cannot access your phone/email/cloud. If unsure, consider asking a trusted person to hold copies or use a new, secure account they don’t know about.
  4. Report it in the simplest way that feels safe. Police.uk treats threats to share intimate images and “sexual pictures, videos, or information about you unless you… do something else” as illegal, and says you don’t need to work out which offence applies — you can report what happened and police will work it out. Use 101 (or 999 if you’re unsafe).
  5. If the threat includes intimate images (real, edited, or fake), use specialist support. Contact the Revenge Porn Helpline (UK adults) for practical help with threats, takedowns if anything is posted, and safer next steps. They can also point to tools like StopNCII.org that help prevent re-uploading on participating platforms.
  6. If you’re under 18, treat this as child sexual exploitation. Use the CEOP Safety Centre to report. You can also contact Childline for support; if sexual images of a child are involved online, the Internet Watch Foundation is a route to report them.
  7. If you live together or fear retaliation, prioritise physical safety planning. Quietly line up a safe place you can go, keep your phone charged, and consider contacting a domestic abuse service for confidential safety planning.
  8. Do one quick account-safety step (only if safe to do so). Change your email password first, then the account(s) where contact is happening; turn on two-factor authentication; check “logged-in devices” and sign out of unknown sessions.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide today whether to make a formal statement, pursue charges, or tell family/work.
  • You do not need to craft the “perfect message” to them; silence and safety come first.
  • You do not need to gather every screenshot or detail before asking for help.
  • You do not need to negotiate “terms” with them, even if they promise they’ll stop.

Important reassurance

Threatening to expose sexual details to control you is coercion and abuse. Freezing, complying, or feeling ashamed in the moment is common — and it still isn’t your fault.

Scope note

These are first steps to stabilise and reduce harm. Next steps can depend on your safety, whether anything has been shared, and what support feels right for you.

Important note

This is general information, not legal advice. If you are in immediate danger call 999. If taking any step above could put you at risk (for example, they monitor your phone or you live together), prioritise getting to safety and contacting confidential specialist support first.

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