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uk Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations

What to do if…
a teacher, coach, or mentor sends sexual messages or asks for secret communication

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy UK guide

Short answer

Pause contact and tell a safe adult or support person who is independent of the teacher, coach, or mentor. If you are in immediate danger or being pressured to meet now, move to a safer place and call 999.

Do not do these things

  • Do not meet the person alone or move the conversation to a disappearing-message service.
  • Do not send sexual images, passwords, money, live location details, or more personal information.
  • Do not confront the person alone.
  • Do not tell them you are seeking support if that could make you less safe.
  • Do not blame yourself for replying, trusting them, or keeping the communication secret.
  • Do not feel pressured to make a formal report before getting support.

What to do now

  1. Stop replying for the moment. If the person is nearby, leave the room, lesson, training session, vehicle, or meeting and stay near someone safe.
  2. Tell a safe adult or support person who is not under the person’s influence. This could be a parent or carer, another member of staff, the school or college safeguarding lead, a club safeguarding contact, or Childline.
  3. Say plainly what happened, such as: “They sent me sexual messages and asked me to keep our communication secret.” You do not need to explain everything at once.
  4. Ask for help preventing further one-to-one contact, private transport, private meetings, or direct messages while the concern is addressed.
  5. If it feels safe, leave the messages in place or take screenshots of the conversation and account details; avoid downloading or forwarding sexual images.
  6. If the first person you tell does not help, contact another safe adult, Childline, or the NSPCC Helpline.
  7. If you are under 18 and the sexual communication happened online, you can contact CEOP for support or make a report. If you want to contact the police about a non-emergency concern, use 101 or the police online reporting service.
  8. If you are under 18 in the UK and a nude or sexual image or video of you is online, or someone is threatening to share it, use Childline’s Report Remove service.

What can wait

You do not need to decide now whether to make a formal complaint, contact the police, leave the school or club, or tell everyone involved. You also do not need to decide what legal or safeguarding label applies before asking for help.

Important reassurance

You have not caused an adult to cross sexual or secretive boundaries. This remains true if you replied, liked the attention, agreed to secrecy, or sent something back. You deserve support without blame.

Scope note

This guide covers the first safe steps only. Later decisions about reporting, complaints, school or club arrangements, or legal options may require support from a safeguarding professional, specialist service, or solicitor.

Important note

This is general safeguarding information, not legal, medical, therapeutic, or other professional advice. In an emergency or immediate danger, call 999.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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