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uk Personal safety & immediate danger ex keeps showing up • acquaintance showing up repeatedly • unwanted run-ins near work • unwanted run-ins near home • someone waiting outside places • being followed in public • repeated unwanted encounters • loitering near my usual spots • feeling watched when out • stalking warning signs • harassment in public places • someone knows my routine • safety plan for daily routes • ex turning up at gym • ex turning up at cafe • person appears on commute • worried it is not a coincidence • keep a record of incidents • panic after seeing them again

What to do if…
an ex or acquaintance starts showing up near places you regularly go

Short answer

Prioritise safety over certainty: treat repeated “chance” appearances as a risk, start an incident log, and tell someone today. If you feel in immediate danger, call 999.

Do not do these things

  • Don’t confront them alone, “to clear it up”, or agree to meet to talk.
  • Don’t try to “catch them out” yourself (following them, testing them, escalating messages).
  • Don’t dismiss it as coincidence if it’s making you feel scared, pressured, or unsafe.
  • Don’t post real-time location/routine details (stories, check-ins, gym/work tags).
  • Don’t delete messages, call logs, DMs, or photos that might later help show a pattern.
  • Don’t block them until you’ve saved what you might need (screenshots/voicemails); consider muting instead.
  • Don’t make big irreversible changes in a panic (quitting your job, moving home) before you’ve had support and a plan.

What to do now

  1. Get to a safer pause. If you’ve just seen them, go into a staffed, public place (shop, café, reception, transport hub) and stay near other people. If you feel threatened or think they may follow you, call 999. If it’s unsafe to speak, you can still call 999 and (where prompted) use “Silent Solution” by pressing 55.
  2. Tell one person immediately and arrange check-ins. Message/call a trusted friend/family member and tell them what you’ve noticed (where/when). Agree a simple plan for the next 24–48 hours (e.g., someone meets you after work, or you check in when you arrive/depart).
  3. Inform the places you regularly go (practical, specific requests). Tell your workplace reception/security, campus security, gym staff, or building manager: who the person is, what they look like, and what you want staff to do (e.g., don’t confirm your schedule, call you if they appear, walk you to transport/car, call police if you ask for it).
  4. Start an incident log (today) and save evidence. Write down each sighting/contact with: date/time, exact place, what happened, who saw it, and what you did next. Save screenshots of messages/social media contact, and keep any photos you can safely take without engaging.
  5. Report it to police (even if you’re unsure).
    • If you’re in immediate danger, call 999.
    • If it’s not an emergency, contact police via 101, online reporting, or by visiting a police station.
      Be clear this is repeated, and is affecting your sense of safety. Ask for an incident number and how to add updates if it happens again.
  6. Get specialist stalking support for a safer plan. Contact the National Stalking Helpline (Suzy Lamplugh Trust) for confidential advice on safety planning and logging patterns: 0808 802 0300.
  7. Ask about protective options that can be used. When you report, ask what options apply locally, including Stalking Protection Orders (which police can seek). If this is an ex-partner/family-type relationship, ask a specialist service (or legal adviser) whether a non-molestation order could be relevant for you.
  8. Reduce how easy it is to “predict” you (short-term changes). For the next week, make small, realistic changes: leave a bit earlier/later, use a different entrance, park in well-lit areas, ask for an escort to your car/bus stop, and avoid being alone in car parks or quiet corridors.
  9. Lock down “routine leaks” on your phone and accounts. Turn off location sharing you don’t need, review who can see your posts/stories, and change key passwords (email first, then social media) with two-factor authentication. If you suspect device/account access, use a trusted device to reset credentials.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide today whether to move, change jobs, or confront them.
  • You do not need perfect proof before seeking help; a pattern and your safety concerns are enough to report.
  • You can wait to organise longer-term steps (formal legal advice, housing/work changes) until you’ve documented incidents and spoken to police or a specialist service.

Important reassurance

It’s common to second-guess yourself in situations like this, especially when each single incident could be explained away. You’re allowed to take it seriously and protect yourself early — that’s not overreacting, it’s risk management.

Scope note

These are first steps to stabilise and reduce immediate risk. If the behaviour continues, specialist support can help you plan next steps safely and with less stress.

Important note

This guide is general information, not legal advice. If you feel in immediate danger, call 999.

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