PanicStation.org
UK USA
uk Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations sexual comments testing boundaries • boundary testing sexual remarks • repeated sexual jokes at me • unwanted sexual comments • escalating sexual banter • sexualised comments about my body • sexual comments from colleague • sexual comments from manager • sexual comments from customer • sexual harassment at work • sexual comments in messages • creepy sexual remarks • “just joking” sexual comments • feeling pressured to laugh along • unsure if this counts as harassment • worried it will escalate • scared to say no • freeze response to harassment • boundary crossed at work • keeps pushing it sexually • sexualised teasing

What to do if…
someone repeatedly “tests” your boundaries with sexual comments to see what you will tolerate

Short answer

Create distance and make it harder for them to access you. Then tell one trusted person (at work: a manager/HR) and get specialist support so you’re not carrying this alone.

Do not do these things

  • Do not feel you have to “keep it friendly” by laughing along, replying quickly, or explaining yourself in detail.
  • Do not meet them one-to-one “to clear the air” if you feel uneasy.
  • Do not share extra personal info (where you live, your routines, relationship status) to try to calm the situation.
  • Do not delete messages out of panic if you think you might want them later for your own clarity (only keep records if it’s safe to do so).
  • Do not confront them when you’re alone or when they have power over you (for example, a supervisor) if that could put you at risk.

What to do now

  1. Get to a safer pause and create space. Move to a more public area, sit near others, end the conversation, or step away. If this is online, stop replying and use platform tools (mute/block/report) where available.
  2. Use one clear boundary line (once), then disengage. You can use: “Stop making sexual comments to me.” / “That’s not ok—don’t say things like that to me.” You do not need to justify, debate, or be polite beyond clarity.
  3. Change the access conditions. Arrange interactions so you’re not alone with them: keep doors open, meet with another person present, switch shifts/tasks, use group chats instead of DMs, or route communication through work channels only.
  4. Write down a simple record for yourself (only if it’s safe). Note the date/time, what was said, where it happened, who witnessed it, and how you responded. If it’s messages, take screenshots and back them up somewhere you control and they cannot access.
  5. If this is at work, tell someone with responsibility today (even if you’re unsure). Report to your manager, a different manager, HR, or your union rep. Unwanted sexual comments can be sexual harassment at work; intent is not the only factor—impact/effect matters (and whether it’s reasonable), so you don’t need to “prove they meant it.”
  6. Get confidential specialist support. If you’re shaken or scared, you can speak to a sexual violence support service for grounding and options. If you’re 16+ in England & Wales, you can contact the free 24/7 Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line: 0808 500 2222 (not an emergency service).
  7. If you feel in immediate danger or threatened, call emergency services. Call 999 if you’re in immediate danger. If you need urgent medical advice, use NHS 111. If there has been any unwanted sexual contact/assault (or you’re worried it might have been), you can contact a Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) for medical, practical and emotional support.

If you may want to report later: try not to edit/alter conversations; save messages/screenshots and keep any relevant notes in a secure place (only if it’s safe for you to do so).

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide right now whether to make a formal complaint, report to police, or “prove” what’s happening.
  • You do not need to craft the perfect message or have the perfect timeline before you tell a manager/HR or a support service.
  • You do not need to work out whether this person is “dangerous” or “just awkward” before taking steps to protect yourself.

Important reassurance

It makes sense to feel confused when someone pushes boundaries in small steps—this behaviour is often designed to test what they can get away with. Freezing, fawning, laughing, or going quiet are common stress responses. You’re not overreacting by wanting it to stop.

Scope note

This is first-steps only—focused on immediate safety, reducing access, and getting support. Any next decisions (formal complaints, legal routes, reporting) can be made later with specialist help.

Important note

This is general information, not legal advice or a substitute for professional support. If you are in immediate danger, call 999. If you want confidential support, reach out to a specialist service.

Additional Resources
Support us