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uk Death, bereavement & serious family crises

What to do if…
you are asked to collect a child after a parent has died and the other caregiver is unreachable

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy UK guide

Short answer

Do not take the child away unless the place holding the child, or another responsible professional, confirms a safe handover plan. Keep the child where they are safe while the school, nursery, club, police, or local child protection or children’s social care service agrees what should happen next.

Do not do these things

  • Do not collect the child just because a relative, friend, neighbour, or message tells you to, if the setting cannot verify that release to you is safe.
  • Do not argue past safeguarding checks or pressure staff to make an exception.
  • Do not take the child to a new address and plan to “sort it out later” unless that destination is part of the agreed handover plan.
  • Do not tell the child that their parent has died unless the responsible adult or professional has agreed that you should and has helped you with what to say.
  • Do not post about the death, the child, the school, or the handover in social media or group chats.
  • Do not promise where the child will live, who they will stay with, or what will happen after tonight.

What to do now

  1. Pause and identify exactly who is asking you to collect the child. Write down their name, role, phone number, how they know about the death, and where the child is now.

  2. Call the place holding the child directly using a known number. Use the school, nursery, club, childminder, hospital, police, or council number you can verify yourself. Ask to speak to the safeguarding lead, a senior manager, or the person in charge.

  3. Ask what they need before they can release the child safely. This may include checking the authorised pickup list, seeing your photo ID, checking emergency contacts, or speaking to someone with parental responsibility.

  4. If you are not clearly authorised, ask them to keep the child safely on site while they follow their safeguarding or child protection procedure. Say plainly: “I can help, but I do not want to remove the child unless you have recorded that this is safe and authorised.”

  5. Try the other caregiver and listed emergency contacts, but do not rely on one route.

    • Call, text, and leave a short voicemail.
    • Ask the setting to call the contacts on its own records.
    • Ask whether there is another adult with parental responsibility, a named emergency contact, or a known safe adult already recorded.

  6. If the child is not in a school, nursery, or supervised setting, move the decision to a responsible authority. Ask the adult with the child to stay where the child is safe. If no safe authorised adult can be reached, contact the local authority’s child protection or children’s social care route for advice, or police on 101 if police help is needed but it is not an immediate emergency.

  7. Call 999 if the child is in immediate danger or there is no safe place for them right now. Say: “A child needs safe collection or protection. Their parent has died, and the other caregiver cannot be reached.”

  8. If there is no immediate danger but a same-day plan is needed, ask for the local authority’s child protection or children’s social care service to be contacted. The setting may do this through its safeguarding process. Out of hours, the local authority may have an emergency duty or out-of-hours route.

  9. If the setting or authority says the child can be released to you, ask for the decision to be recorded before you leave. Ask them to record who authorised release, what checks were done, the time and date, where you are taking the child, and who the next professional contact is.

  10. When you collect the child, keep the handover calm and ordinary. Bring photo ID. Use simple words such as: “You are safe. We are going somewhere quiet while the grown-ups make a plan.” Take the child only to the place agreed in the handover plan.

  11. Before leaving with the child, clarify the short-term handover plan. Ask who you should contact tonight, what to do if the other caregiver appears or calls, whether anyone needs to check on the child, and what you should do about urgent medical, school, or travel decisions.

  12. Make a two-minute written note for yourself. Record who contacted you, where the child was, who you spoke to, what was agreed, where the child is going, whether the death was confirmed by a professional, and the next contact point.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide where the child will live long term.
  • You do not need to decide custody, guardianship, parental responsibility, or family disagreements today.
  • You do not need to collect passports, birth certificates, clothes, toys, or school documents unless a responsible professional specifically asks for something urgent.
  • You do not need to tell wider relatives, organise funeral matters, or explain everything to the child right now.
  • You do not need to prove you are the “best” person; the immediate task is a safe, recorded handover and tonight’s plan.

Important reassurance

Slowing down is not abandoning the child. In this situation, checking authorisation, keeping professionals involved, and asking for decisions to be recorded are protective steps for the child and for you.

Scope note

These are first steps for the first hours of a child collection and safeguarding crisis. Later decisions about care, parental responsibility, contact with relatives, or longer-term arrangements may need help from children’s social care, the police, the setting, and specialist legal advice.

Important note

This guide is general information, not legal, safeguarding, childcare, medical, therapeutic, or other professional advice. Follow the immediate safeguarding decision made by the setting, police, or local authority child protection or children’s social care service.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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