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uk Death, bereavement & serious family crises

What to do if…
you are told a loved one is likely to die within days and need to alert family

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy UK guide

Short answer

Pause, choose one trusted person to help you, and send a short factual alert to the close family who need to know now. Do not promise an exact timeline; say the team believes your loved one may be in their last days and that people who want contact should act now.

Do not do these things

  • Do not send exact “hours” or “days” predictions unless the clinical team has asked you to pass on those words.
  • Do not try to make dozens of emotional calls alone while you are in shock.
  • Do not put ward details, diagnoses, passwords, money requests, or private family conflict into a large group chat.
  • Do not argue in the moment about every person who might need telling; start with the smallest close circle and widen it later.
  • Do not ignore your loved one’s known wishes about who they want informed or present.
  • Do not let relatives rely on forwarded messages asking for money or urgent transfers; ask them to confirm anything unusual by calling you directly.

What to do now

  1. Write down the basics before you start calling. In one note, capture your loved one’s full name, where they are, the main phone number for the ward, hospice, care home, or home care team, and the name or role of the staff member who spoke to you.
  2. Ask the care team what can be shared. Ask: “Who is recorded as the next of kin or main contact?” and “What information can I share with close family?” If your loved one can still express wishes, ask staff to help you check who they want told.
  3. Set one route for updates. Ask the ward, hospice, or care team how family updates should happen: one named caller, set call times, a family meeting, or another route. Write down the answer so you do not have to remember it.
  4. Choose one co-ordinator. Pick a trusted sibling, cousin, close friend, or other reliable person to make a call list, handle repeat questions, and keep one agreed family update thread. Tell them exactly what you need them to do.
  5. Send a first alert to the closest people. Start with the people your loved one would expect to be told first. Use wording like: “I’m sorry to say we’ve been told [Name] may be in their last days. They are at [hospital, hospice, care home, or home]. If you want to speak, visit, or send a message, please contact me today. I’ll share updates when I can.”
  6. Give relatives one simple action. Ask them to reply with one of these: “CALL” if they need a phone call, “VISIT” if they are trying to come in person, or “MESSAGE” if they want you to pass on words or arrange a video or phone call.
  7. Check visiting or contact options before people travel. Ask the ward, hospice, care home, or home care team about visiting times, numbers at the bedside, overnight arrangements, infection-control limits, and whether staff can help with a phone or video call.
  8. Keep the next update short and consistent. Use one update thread or one co-ordinator message. Say what has changed, what relatives can do now, and when you are likely to update again.
  9. Tell work only what is needed right now. If you are an employee and this involves a dependant, tell your manager or HR as soon as you can: “I have an urgent family emergency involving a dependant and need time away today.” Ask what leave or policy applies; details can wait.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide funeral arrangements, probate, registration, or formal paperwork right now.
  • You do not need to write a perfect message or call every relative personally today.
  • You do not need to settle old family tensions or agree who is “in charge” beyond the next practical update.
  • You do not need to explain the medical details to everyone; “the team believes they may be in their last days” is enough.
  • You do not need to answer every message immediately.

Important reassurance

It is normal to feel numb, shaky, clumsy with words, or unsure who to call first. A short, calm, factual message is enough for now; it helps people act without forcing you to repeat painful details again and again.

Scope note

These are first steps for the next hours and day or two: alerting close family, reducing confusion, and protecting your energy. Later decisions may need help from the ward, hospice, GP, care team, bereavement service, employer, or another specialist service.

Important note

This is general information, not legal, medical, employment, therapeutic, or professional advice. Processes, visiting arrangements, confidentiality rules, and workplace policies vary, so ask the staff or employer involved what applies in your situation.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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