What to do if… you are told not to contact someone as part of an investigation and you share responsibilities with them

uk Legal, police, prison & official contact told not to contact someone • no contact instruction • police investigation no contact • bail condition no contact • pre-charge bail conditions • released under investigation contact • indirect contact counts • third party messages • shared responsibilities • co-parenting during investigation • shared bills and housing • shared workplace duties • school pickup handover • collecting belongings safely • do not discuss the case • contact officer in the case • vary bail conditions • avoid accidental breach • evidence preserve messages • compliance first steps

Short answer

Treat “do not contact” as a hard stop (including indirect contact) and immediately route any shared responsibilities through an approved, documented workaround (for example via your solicitor or the investigating officer).

Do not do these things

Do not message, call, email, DM, or “just check in” — even if it feels practical or polite.
Do not ask friends/family/colleagues to pass messages (indirect contact can still count as contact).
Do not discuss the investigation with them, compare accounts, or try to “clear things up”.
Do not rely on verbal reassurance from the other person that it’s “fine”.
Do not turn up somewhere you’re likely to meet them (home, workplace, school gates) unless you have clear permission and a plan that avoids contact.

What to do now

Freeze contact and capture what you were told.
Write down: who told you, their role (police officer, prison/probation staff, employer investigator), the exact words, date/time, and any reference/case number. If you have paperwork (bail notice, letter, email), keep a copy.
Confirm what the restriction actually is (and what it covers).
As soon as you can, confirm whether it’s:
- a police bail condition (pre-charge or post-charge),
- a court order (for example a restraining order),
- a prison/probation direction, or
- an employer/institution investigation instruction.
  Ask for the written conditions/order if you don’t have them. You need the exact scope (direct/indirect contact, social media, locations).
Make a one-page “shared responsibilities” list for the next 7–14 days.
Keep it factual and time-bound (no case details), for example:
- childcare/school runs, medical appointments, medication handovers
- rent/mortgage, utilities, insurance renewals
- access to a shared home, keys, essential items, vehicles
- work handovers, rota coverage, access to shared systems
Ask for an approved workaround before you try any workaround.
Via your solicitor (or directly to the investigating officer if you don’t have one), ask what is permitted and how to do it safely. Commonly approved options (when allowed) include:
- solicitor-to-solicitor communication for practical logistics only
- a named third party handling specific exchanges
- a scheduled property collection arranged through police where appropriate
  If you’re on bail and need access/property, do not improvise — ask how to request a variation or a practical arrangement that does not involve contact.
If children are involved, separate “logistics” from “safeguarding”.
For day-to-day logistics, use the approved workaround above. If you have an urgent child safety concern, use the appropriate official route (999 in an emergency). For non-emergency safeguarding concerns, contact your local authority children’s services rather than contacting the person directly.
If they contact you, do not respond — preserve and report.
Screenshot/save messages or call logs, note the time/date, and inform your solicitor and/or the investigating officer. Don’t reply “just to be polite” or “just about bills”.
If this also affects work, use HR/management as the handover hub.
Ask for a written handover plan, temporary reporting lines, and a clear statement of what communication is prohibited (and what channel must be used instead).

What can wait

You do not need to explain yourself to them right now.
You do not need to decide the long-term arrangement for parenting, housing, or work today.
You do not need to build a full defence timeline right now unless you’ve been specifically asked — focus on compliance and safe logistics first.

Important reassurance

Feeling stuck is a normal reaction when you still share real-world responsibilities. The safest move is not to “fix it quickly” — it’s to slow down and move coordination onto an approved, traceable route so you don’t accidentally create a breach or allegation.

Scope note

These are first steps to prevent an accidental breach and stabilise practical responsibilities. Any decision about challenging conditions, making a complaint, or negotiating contact later may need specialist legal advice.

Important note

This is general information, not legal advice. The rules and consequences depend on the exact legal basis for the restriction (bail condition, court order, prison/probation direction, or workplace process). If anything is unclear, assume indirect contact is included and get clarification through your solicitor or the investigating officer before taking action.

Additional Resources

Support us

What to do if…you are told not to contact someone as part of an investigation and you share responsibilities with them