What to do if…
you expect a volatile person may show up at a funeral or memorial service and you are worried about disruption

What to do now

1. Tell the organiser, funeral director, and venue in one clear message.
   Say: “We are worried that X may attend and disrupt the service. Please agree who will manage the entrance, who will speak to them, and when police should be called, so the family are not involved.”

2. Ask what the venue can actually do about entry.
   Ask the funeral director, crematorium, cemetery, church, chapel, or other venue:

   • Whether the service is being treated as private or open
   • Who is allowed to ask someone to wait outside or leave
   • Whether staff can meet the person at the entrance
   • What staff will do if the person becomes loud, threatening, intoxicated, or refuses to move

3. Choose one day-of point person who is not the closest bereaved person.
   Give that person the venue contact number, the funeral director’s number, and a short description of the concern. Their job is to speak to staff or police if needed; everyone else’s job is to attend the service.

4. Give staff the details they need to recognise the risk quickly.
   If safe and appropriate, give the funeral director or venue the person’s name, a recent photo, likely arrival time, and the specific behaviour you are worried about, such as shouting, threats, intoxication, blocking mourners, or targeting one person.

5. Agree a simple signal for help.
   Use a phrase such as “Please start the entrance plan.” Make sure the point person, funeral director, and venue staff know what that phrase means.

6. Reduce flashpoints in the building or grounds.
   Ask for:

   • A staff member or agreed person near the entrance before the service starts
   • A separate place where close family can wait if the person arrives
   • Seating that keeps the person away from anyone they may target
   • A route for close family to arrive and leave without having to stand at the doorway

7. Agree when to call police.
   Call 999 if there is immediate danger, violence, threats of violence, a weapon, forced entry, or a crime happening now. Call 101 for non-emergency police advice, information, or enquiries before the service if you want to flag a likely disturbance at a specific time and place.

8. If there are written restrictions, make them easy to show.
   If you already have a court order, police bail condition, or other written restriction that may be relevant, ask the point person to keep a copy available for police or venue staff. Do not try to interpret it in the moment.

9. Limit direct contact on the day.
   Put your phone on Do Not Disturb and allow calls from the point person. If the relative sends messages or calls, avoid replying in the moment; forward anything urgent to the point person and focus on getting to the service safely.