What to do if…
you experience a pregnancy loss or newborn death and officials are asking for decisions

What to do now

1. Ask for one named point of contact and a private space. Say: “I need the bereavement midwife, nurse, doctor, or bereavement office now, and somewhere private. Please pause detailed questions until they are here.”

2. Ask each person to identify their role and the reason for the question. Say: “What is your name and role? What decision are you asking for today? What happens if I do not decide today?”

3. Ask whether any official review or investigation is involved. Say: “Is this being referred to a coroner, or in Scotland the Procurator Fiscal? What changes while that decision is being made?” If you are in England or Wales and the death is not being investigated by a coroner, you can also ask whether a Medical Examiner’s office will contact you about the cause of death and any concerns you may have.

4. Ask for a written list before you choose anything. Request: “Please write down the options, what is mandatory, what is optional, and the timeframes. I cannot process this verbally right now.”

5. If post-mortem, examinations, or tests are mentioned, slow the conversation down. Ask:

   • “Is this being directed by a coroner or Procurator Fiscal, or is it optional and based on consent?”
   • “What exactly would be done, and what would not be done?”
   • “Who will explain the results, and how can we ask questions later?”
   • “Can we have time to think before signing anything?”

6. Ask staff to preserve choices about seeing your baby and keepsakes. If you are unsure, say: “Please tell me what options exist, such as seeing or holding, photographs, handprints, footprints, ID bands, cot cards, clothing, or a blanket. Please store anything safely so I can decide later.”

7. Ask what paperwork applies, without trying to complete it all now.

   • For a newborn death, ask what the hospital or doctor will provide and when you can register the death.
   • For a stillbirth from 24 weeks, ask what document or evidence the hospital or midwife will provide and how to contact the register office. Ask the bereavement contact or register office for the deadline in your part of the UK.
   • For an earlier pregnancy loss, ask what records or written confirmation the hospital can provide. In England, if the loss was before 24 weeks, you may be able to request an optional baby loss certificate later.

8. Ask how your baby will be cared for and identified. Say: “Please explain where my baby will be kept, how they will be identified, who can access them, and how any transfer or release works when we are ready.”

9. Bring in a trusted person for conversations and forms. Ask staff to phone the person you choose and to let them be present, on speakerphone if needed.

10. Write down three anchors before answering anything else. Record the lead contact’s name and number, the decisions being asked today, and what can wait until tomorrow or another agreed day.