PanicStation.org
UK USA
uk Personal safety & immediate danger feel unsafe in my home • someone says they are coming over • escalating messages from someone i know • threatening texts and calls • unwanted visit to my home • ex is coming to my house • family member threatening to show up • friend threatening to come over • harassment by messages escalating • intimidation by text • stalking concern • doorstep confrontation risk • boundary ignored after saying no • coercive messages • fear they will force entry • worried they have a key • home alone and scared • safety plan at home • they won’t stop messaging • worried about children at home

What to do if…
you feel unsafe in your home because someone you know is escalating by messages and says they are coming over

Short answer

If you think they may arrive soon or you’re scared they’ll harm you, call 999 now (you do not have to wait until they arrive). Get yourself behind a locked door, don’t open the door to them, and bring another person onto the phone with you if you can.

Do not do these things

  • Do not open the door “to calm things down” or to argue it out on the doorstep.
  • Do not go outside to meet them or “check if it’s really them”.
  • Do not get drawn into back-and-forth messaging; it can escalate and it distracts you.
  • Do not tell them exactly where you are in the home or what you’re doing to prepare.
  • Do not feel you must “prove” anything before calling for help.
  • Do not delete messages, call logs, or voicemails in the moment.

What to do now

  1. Decide if this is a 999 situation (often it is).
    Call 999 if you feel in immediate danger, if they’re on their way/nearby, if they’ve made threats, if they’ve been violent before, if they may force entry, or if your instincts say this could escalate quickly.

  2. If you can’t speak safely, still call 999 (Silent Solution).

    • Dial 999 and listen to the operator’s questions.
    • If you can, make a small noise (like coughing) or tap the handset.
    • If prompted and you’re on a mobile, press 55 to confirm it’s a real emergency and be put through to police.
    • If you’re not on a mobile, stay on the line and follow any prompts as best you can.

  3. Get to a safer setup inside your home (30–60 seconds).

    • Lock doors and accessible windows. If you have a chain/door bar, use it.
    • Put your phone on charge (or grab a power bank) and keep it on you.
    • Take keys, shoes, and a coat to wherever you’re going to wait.

  4. If anyone else is with you, gather them now.
    Bring children, pets, or anyone vulnerable with you into the safer room so you’re not split up. Keep them away from doors and ground-floor windows.

  5. Move to a “safer room” while you make calls.
    Choose a room you can lock, away from the front door if possible. If you can, don’t wait in the kitchen/garage/utility areas where there are lots of tools—pick a room that feels easier to secure.

  6. Bring in another human and create witnesses.

    • Call someone you trust and keep them on the line. Tell them: “I feel unsafe. Please stay on the phone. If we disconnect, call 999.”
    • If you live in a building, consider alerting a neighbour, building security, or a concierge that you are not expecting anyone and you feel unsafe.

  7. Set one clear boundary only if it’s safe to do so.
    If you think a short message won’t increase risk, send one message like: “Do not come to my home. If you come here, I will call the police.” Then stop replying. If messaging them feels risky, skip this.

  8. If they arrive, do not engage at the door.

    • Do not open the door, even “just to talk”.
    • Call 999 (or stay on the line) and say: “Someone I know is outside my home and I feel unsafe. They said they were coming over and are escalating by messages.”
    • If you have a relevant court order (for example, a non-molestation order) or there are bail conditions, tell the call handler.

  9. Preserve what you already have without doing “detective work.”

    • Screenshot the most threatening/important messages and note the time they said they were coming.
    • Don’t spend time scrolling or building a perfect timeline right now—your priority is safety.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide right now whether to make a formal statement, press charges, or pursue court orders.
  • You do not need to write a detailed account tonight; a few key screenshots and rough times are enough for now.
  • You do not need to negotiate, explain, or justify your “no”.
  • You do not need to decide whether this “counts” as abuse/harassment before seeking help.

Important reassurance

It’s common to freeze, doubt yourself, or worry you’re “overreacting” when someone you know escalates. Feeling unsafe in your own home is enough reason to act. Calling for help early is often safer than waiting for the situation to become undeniable.

Scope note

This is first-steps-only guidance for the next minutes and hours. Later steps (like longer-term safety planning, reporting routes, and legal protections) can be worked through with specialist support when you’re in a calmer, safer place.

Important note

This guide is general information, not legal advice. If you believe you are at immediate risk, call 999. If you are not in immediate danger but want to report what’s happening, you can contact police on 101.

Additional Resources
Support us