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uk Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations child online secret • sexual secret online • online grooming child • child told me secret • unsafe chat with child • adult asking child secret • sexual messages to child • child being groomed online • inappropriate online contact • child online exploitation worry • someone online feels sexual • child asked to hide chat • secret relationship online • child pressured online • worrying messages to child • online stranger and child • child says dont tell • sexual online attention • child unsafe online conversation • secret online contact

What to do if…
your child tells you someone online is asking to keep a “special secret” and it feels sexual

Short answer

Treat this as a safeguarding concern, not a misunderstanding. Stay calm, thank your child for telling you, and help them stop contact without blaming or pressuring them.

Do not do these things

  • Do not tell your child they caused this or should have known better.
  • Do not make them keep explaining the story over and over right now.
  • Do not contact the other person yourself to warn, threaten, or “test” them.
  • Do not ask your child to keep chatting to gather more information.
  • Do not delete the messages straight away if you may want support or to report it.
  • Do not promise absolute secrecy to your child if someone may be at risk.
  • Do not force big decisions about reporting in the same conversation unless there is immediate danger.

What to do now

  1. Slow the moment down and believe your child. Say something simple like: “I’m glad you told me. You are not in trouble. We’ll handle this together.”

  2. Help them stop the contact now. Sit with them while they stop replying, block or report the account if that feels safest, and turn off location sharing on the app and device if it is on.

  3. Move the conversation onto your side of the screen. Ask your child to show you the account, app, username, messages, images, gifts, requests, or threats involved. Keep your tone steady and practical.

  4. If you may want support or to report later, preserve only the basics. Take screenshots of the profile, username, platform, and the key messages, then keep them somewhere private. Do not ask your child to keep talking to the person, and do not forward sexual material around to others.

  5. Check for immediate risk. Ask only what you need to know now: whether the person knows your child’s real name, school, phone number, address, or has asked to meet, send images, move to another app, or keep things hidden from adults. If there is any immediate danger, call 999.

  6. Use a UK child-protection reporting route for online sexual grooming concerns. You can make a report to CEOP if you are concerned a child is being sexually abused or groomed online. You can also contact the police on 101 if there is no immediate emergency but you need police help.

  7. If sexual images may have been shared by or of your child, use a child-specific removal route. In the UK, Report Remove can help under-18s report sexual images or videos of themselves and seek removal support.

  8. Get specialist support for your child and for you. If you need help thinking clearly about what to say next, contact the NSPCC Helpline. If your child wants confidential support, Childline is available.

  9. Make the next few hours quieter and safer. Stay physically near your child if you can, keep the device with an adult overnight if needed, and pause non-essential online activity until you have a clearer picture.

What can wait

You do not need to decide right now whether this was “serious enough,” what the person intended, or what longer-term rules your child should have online. You also do not need to resolve every detail tonight.

Important reassurance

Children are often targeted through secrecy, praise, flattery, gifts, or sexualised attention. Freezing, going along with it, or not telling straight away are common responses and do not mean your child wanted this.

Scope note

This is first steps only. Later decisions may need specialist help.

Important note

This is general information, not legal, police, or clinical advice. In the UK, online sexual grooming of a child can be reported to CEOP, and immediate danger should go to 999. If details are unclear, it is still reasonable to treat the situation cautiously and get support.

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