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us Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations

What to do if…
a coworker, manager, or other person keeps making unwanted sexual comments or messages

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy USA guide

Short answer

Move to a safer setting if you feel threatened, stop engaging with the comments or messages, and contact someone you trust. You can seek support and review your options without confronting the person or deciding now whether to make a formal complaint.

Do not do these things

  • Do not confront the person alone if you feel unsafe or fear retaliation.
  • Do not feel that you must reply, laugh along, explain yourself, or persuade the person that the conduct is unwanted.
  • Do not make an immediate decision to resign or abandon your job.
  • Do not post accusations publicly while distressed without considering your safety and privacy.
  • Do not use the person responsible as your reporting route when another route is available.
  • Do not feel pressured to make a formal report before you have had space to consider your options.
  • Do not keep private support notes in a work account if other people may be able to access it.

What to do now

  1. Create distance. Leave the room, end the call, move near other people, or stop replying. Call 911 if there is an immediate threat or you need urgent police, fire, or medical assistance.

  2. Set a boundary only if it feels safe. You may say or write, “Do not make sexual comments to me or send me sexual messages.” You do not have to confront the person before seeking support.

  3. Contact one trusted person. Tell a friend, family member, trusted coworker, union representative, advocate, or support service what is happening and what you need right now, such as company, a safe journey home, or help reviewing your options.

  4. Keep a private record only if you choose. If you may want a record later and it is safe to do so, keep copies of existing messages and a brief note of dates, places, and witnesses in a private location.

  5. Check the workplace policy. Look for reporting routes in an employee handbook, harassment policy, union agreement, human resources page, ethics line, or compliance system. You may ask how the process works and how information may be shared before making a formal report.

  6. Use another reporting route when needed. If the person is your manager or controls the usual channel, consider another manager, human resources contact, owner, union representative, compliance contact, or other route named in the policy.

  7. Protect your outside options. If you may want to contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, check its filing-deadline information promptly because deadlines vary by circumstances and location. Checking the information does not require you to decide today whether to file a charge.

What can wait

You do not need to decide now whether to resign, confront the person again, make a formal workplace complaint, contact an attorney, tell everyone at work, or pursue external action. You also do not need a perfect account of every incident before asking for support.

Important reassurance

Unwanted sexual comments and messages matter even when there has been no physical contact. Freezing, laughing nervously, being friendly, or not objecting immediately does not make you responsible for the conduct. Calling something a joke, banter, flirting, or a compliment does not make it welcome.

Scope note

This guide covers immediate safety, support, and first reporting considerations only. Later workplace, union, employment, or legal decisions may require help from a qualified specialist familiar with your state and circumstances.

Important note

This is general information, not legal, medical, therapeutic, employment, or other professional advice. Available protections and procedures may depend on the employer, workplace, worker status, location, and circumstances.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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