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What to do if…
a friend tells you they were sexually assaulted and you do not know what to do first

Short answer

Stay with them, believe them, and focus on safety and support in the next hour—not on “what to do forever.” If they’re in immediate danger or need urgent medical help, call 911.

Do not do these things

  • Do not ask “why” questions (why they didn’t leave, fight, report, etc.).
  • Do not push them to report to police, confront the person, or “tell everyone.”
  • Do not ask for a detailed play-by-play or try to “check facts.”
  • Do not contact the alleged perpetrator or mutual friends to gather information.
  • Do not make promises you can’t keep (like “I won’t tell anyone no matter what”)—focus on safety.
  • Do not share their story, texts, photos, or name without explicit permission.

What to do now

  1. Say the stabilizing basics out loud.
    “I’m sorry this happened. I believe you. It’s not your fault. I’m here with you.”

  2. Check immediate safety in plain language.
    Ask: “Are you safe right now?” and “Are you worried the person who hurt you might show up?”

    • If there’s immediate danger or urgent injury: call 911 (or go to the nearest emergency department).

  3. Offer a small menu of next steps (so they don’t have to decide from scratch).
    Examples:

    • “Do you want me to stay on the phone / come over?”
    • “Do you want to call a confidential hotline together?”
    • “Do you want help getting medical care tonight?”

  4. Offer confidential specialist support (without requiring a report).
    If they want trained support right now, offer to contact RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline together:

    • Call 800-656-HOPE (4673)
    • Chat via RAINN’s hotline page
    • Or (if they prefer) text “HOPE” to 64673
      RAINN (or the local provider they connect you to) can also help identify nearby services if you don’t know what exists in your area.

  5. If it may have happened recently, offer medical care as an option (no pressure).
    You can say: “You don’t have to decide about police. You can get medical care either way.”
    If they want help, help them get to an emergency department or another local provider of sexual assault care. If you’re unsure where to go, calling RAINN first can help you find the closest appropriate option.

  6. Keep control with them: ask consent before acting.
    “Would you like advice, or would you rather I just listen?”
    “Is it okay if I sit closer / call someone / look up resources?”
    If they ask you to keep it private, you can say: “I won’t share this without your permission unless I’m worried you or someone else is in immediate danger.”

  7. If they might want the option to report later, gently protect choices (optional).
    You can say: “Only if you want and it feels safe, you might choose to avoid changing or washing until you’ve spoken to a medical professional—just to keep options open.” (If that feels upsetting or impractical, skip it.)

  8. Do one practical stabilizer.
    Offer water, a quiet place, a ride, staying the night somewhere safe, turning off notifications, or composing one short message to a trusted person (“I need someone with me tonight—can you come?”).

What can wait

  • They do not need to decide right now about reporting to police.
  • They do not need to give you all details for you to support them.
  • You do not need to research laws, gather evidence, or “figure out what happened” tonight.
  • Any longer-term steps (formal reports, campus/work processes, therapy choices) can wait until they’re safer and supported.

Important reassurance

It’s normal to feel shocked, angry, or unsure what to say. Your calm presence, belief, and help connecting them to confidential support can reduce harm immediately.

Scope note

This is first steps only. For next-stage decisions, a local sexual assault service or hotline advocate can help them understand options without pressure.

Important note

This guide is general information for immediate first steps, not legal or medical advice. If someone is in immediate danger or needs urgent medical care, call 911.

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