What to do if… a partner says they will share private sexual details about you unless you comply

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Short answer

Don’t comply. Get to a safer pause, stop negotiating with them in real time, and contact confidential support so you can choose next steps without pressure.

Do not do these things

Do not give in “to make it stop” (it often increases demands).
Do not send more images/videos, money, gift cards, passwords, or account access.
Do not argue, plead, or explain intimate details in writing (it creates more material they can use).
Do not delete everything in panic; if you need to cut contact on a platform, deactivate or log out rather than deleting, so evidence is easier to preserve.
Do not meet them in person to “talk it out” if you feel unsafe.
Do not use a phone/computer you think they can access or monitor.

What to do now

Get to a safer pause first. If you’re with them, step away for a normal reason. If you feel in immediate danger, call 911.
Stop the live leverage. If you can, stop responding. If you must reply, keep it short and non-negotiating (for example: “I’m not doing that.”). Don’t bargain.
Preserve the threat with minimal effort. Screenshot key messages showing the demand and threat, usernames, and dates/times. Write down where it happened (app/site) and any related accounts.
Report and block on the platform (after saving evidence). Use the platform’s reporting tools for harassment/extortion/nonconsensual intimate content and block them. If you think they may retaliate when blocked, do this when you’re in a safer place and have support lined up.
Get confidential support and a safety plan. Contact RAINN (sexual violence support) and/or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (relationship abuse support). If you’re worried your internet use is being monitored, use a safer device or call instead of web chat.
Consider reporting to law enforcement (you can describe what happened without labels). Many places treat threats like this as crimes (for example, extortion/harassment; laws vary by state). If the conduct is online or crosses state lines, the FBI treats sextortion as serious and you can report to the FBI (including via IC3) or submit a tip.
If anyone involved is under 18, treat it as child sexual exploitation. Report to NCMEC CyberTipline (the centralized U.S. reporting system for online child exploitation). If there’s immediate danger, call 911.
Do one quick account-safety step (only if safe to do so). Change your email password first, then passwords for the accounts they’re using to contact you; turn on two-factor authentication; check “logged-in devices” and sign out of unknown sessions.

What can wait

You do not need to decide right now whether to file a police report, seek a protection order, or tell family/work.
You do not need to “name the crime.” You can report the threat and the demand in plain language.
You do not need to gather every screenshot or detail before reaching out for support.
You do not need to post publicly to defend yourself today.

Important reassurance

Threatening to expose private sexual details to control you is coercion and abuse. Feeling frozen, ashamed, or unsure what to do is a common reaction — and it’s not your fault.

Scope note

These are first steps to reduce harm and stabilise. Next actions depend on your safety, whether anything was shared, and what help you want from support services or law enforcement.

Important note

This is general information, not legal advice. If you are in immediate danger call 911. If taking any step above could put you at risk (for example, they monitor your phone or you live together), prioritise getting to safety and contacting confidential support first.

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What to do if…a partner says they will share private sexual details about you unless you comply