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us Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations sexual comments testing boundaries • boundary testing sexual remarks • repeated sexual jokes at me • unwanted sexual comments • escalating sexual banter • gross sexual remarks • sexual remarks about my body • sexual comments from coworker • sexual comments from boss • sexual comments from customer • sexual harassment at work • sexual comments in texts • creepy sexual remarks • “just kidding” sexual comments • pressured to play along • unsure if it’s harassment • worried it will escalate • afraid to set a boundary • freeze response to harassment • hostile work environment comments • sexualized teasing

What to do if…
someone repeatedly “tests” your boundaries with sexual comments to see what you will tolerate

Short answer

Create distance and reduce their access to you, then tell a trusted person (at work: a supervisor/HR) and get confidential support so you don’t have to handle it alone.

Do not do these things

  • Do not feel you must respond, laugh, or keep the tone “nice” to stay safe or avoid awkwardness.
  • Do not meet them one-on-one to “talk it out” if your gut says it’s unsafe.
  • Do not share personal details (address, routines, relationship status) to try to defuse them.
  • Do not delete texts/DMs in a panic if you think you might want them later for your own clarity (only keep records if it’s safe to do so).
  • Do not confront them when you’re isolated or when there’s a power imbalance (for example, your supervisor) if that could increase risk.

What to do now

  1. Get to a safer pause and create space. Move toward other people, end the interaction, or step away. If this is online, stop replying and use platform tools (mute/block/report) where available.
  2. Use one clear boundary sentence (once), then disengage. Examples: “Stop making sexual comments to me.” / “That’s not appropriate—do not talk to me like that.” No debate required.
  3. Change the access conditions immediately. Keep interactions in public/work areas, avoid being alone together, use group chats instead of DMs, request a different schedule/task, or communicate through official work channels only.
  4. Make a simple record for yourself (only if it’s safe). Write date/time, what was said, where it happened, witnesses, and your response. Save texts/DMs and take screenshots; store them somewhere private and secure that they cannot access.
  5. If this is at work, report through your workplace channel now. Tell your supervisor (or another supervisor if that’s the person), HR, or a designated reporting line. Unwelcome sexual comments can be sexual harassment and may contribute to a hostile work environment.
  6. Get confidential specialist support. You can contact RAINN for 24/7 confidential help: call 800-656-HOPE (4673), chat at RAINN.org/hotline, or text “HOPE” to 64673.
  7. If you feel in immediate danger, call emergency services. Call 911 if you’re in immediate danger or being threatened. If you need urgent medical care, go to the nearest emergency department or urgent care.

If you may want to report later: try not to edit/alter conversations; save messages/screenshots and keep your notes in a secure place (only if it’s safe for you to do so).

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide right now whether to file a formal complaint, contact a lawyer, or report to police.
  • You do not need to perfectly label what’s happening (“harassment” vs “creepy”) before you protect yourself and tell someone.
  • You do not need to build a complete case before you seek support or report internally.

Important reassurance

It’s common to feel confused when someone escalates in small steps—testing boundaries is often intentional. Freezing, laughing, going quiet, or trying to keep things smooth are normal stress responses. Wanting distance and support is a reasonable, protective move.

Scope note

This is first-steps only—focused on immediate safety, reducing access, and getting support. Any next decisions (formal complaints, reporting, legal options) can be made later with specialist help.

Important note

This is general information, not legal advice or a substitute for professional support. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you want confidential support, contact a specialist service.

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