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us Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations

What to do if…
someone uses secrecy around a relationship to pressure you into sexual acts or images

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy USA guide

Short answer

Create a safe pause, stop engaging with the demands, and contact someone you trust or a sexual-assault support service. If you are in immediate danger or need urgent police, fire, or medical assistance, call 911.

Do not do these things

  • Do not send new sexual images or agree to sexual acts solely to keep the relationship secret or make the pressure stop.
  • Do not meet the person alone to settle the situation if you feel unsafe.
  • Do not confront, threaten, or warn them if that could increase the danger to you.
  • If it is safe, do not delete messages, profiles, or threats in a panic.
  • Do not assume that earlier consent, affection, or participation means you must consent now.
  • Do not blame yourself for trusting the person or for anything you have already shared.

What to do now

  1. Create a safer pause. End the call or conversation, move near trusted people, or go somewhere the person cannot privately pressure you.
  2. If it feels safe to respond, use a brief statement such as: “I am not agreeing to sexual acts or images.” You do not need to argue, explain, or negotiate.
  3. Mute, block, or leave the conversation if that feels safer. If you think the person monitors your phone or accounts, use a safer device to seek support before changing settings.
  4. Tell one trusted person what is happening. Ask them to stay with you, remain on the phone, or help you avoid being alone with the person.
  5. Contact RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline for confidential support from a trained specialist. You do not need to decide whether to contact police before seeking support.
  6. If sexual images are involved, contact the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative for image-abuse support. If an image was taken when you were under 18, Take It Down may help limit online sharing; do not download or ask someone to resend an image solely to use the service.
  7. If you are under 18, consider telling a safe adult who can remain with you and help you contact appropriate support. If the situation may involve child sexual exploitation and you want to report it, NCMEC’s CyberTipline is an optional reporting route.
  8. Call 911 if you need immediate police, fire, or medical assistance or cannot reach safety without emergency help.

What can wait

You do not need to decide now whether to end the relationship, disclose it publicly, confront the person, report to police, pursue legal action, or explain everything to other people. Focus first on getting through the immediate pressure safely and bringing in one source of support.

Important reassurance

Consent must be voluntary and free from pressure, manipulation, threats, or fear. Secrecy around a relationship does not give anyone permission to demand sexual acts or images. The pressure is not your fault, and seeking support does not commit you to an immediate decision about the relationship or reporting.

Scope note

This guide covers immediate first steps only. Later decisions about safety, image removal, reporting, healthcare, or legal options may require help from a specialist advocate or another qualified professional.

Important note

This is general information, not legal, medical, therapeutic, or other professional advice. Laws and available procedures can vary by state and according to the details of the situation.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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