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us Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations caregiver making sexual comments • home aide sexual remarks • support worker inappropriate comments • personal care attendant harassment • sexually suggestive comments in care • unwanted sexual talk from caregiver • fear retaliation from caregiver • dependent on abusive caregiver • power imbalance with caregiver • disability caregiver harassment • elder care harassment • in-home care safety concern • worried caregiver will withhold help • caregiver boundary violations • caregiver coercion concerns • unsafe home care visit • caregiver sexual intimidation • care assistance feels unsafe • caregiver threatens to stop care

What to do if…
someone you rely on for care or assistance begins making sexual comments and you fear retaliation

Short answer

Make yourself safer while keeping care in place: involve a third party immediately (the agency supervisor/case manager and Adult Protective Services) so the caregiver can be removed/replaced without you having to handle it alone.

Do not do these things

  • Do not confront them one-on-one if you’re afraid they’ll retaliate or escalate.
  • Do not agree to “keep it quiet” in exchange for care, rides, medication access, keys, or help you rely on.
  • Do not let them isolate you during visits (closed doors, taking your phone, discouraging you from contacting others).
  • Do not assume you need proof before you can ask for a new caregiver.
  • Do not post about it publicly while you still depend on them for access/keys/transport—use safer channels first.

What to do now

  1. Get to a safer pause; use emergency help if needed.
    If you feel in immediate danger, call 911. If the caregiver is there now and you feel unsafe, move to where someone else is present (neighbor, family, building staff), end the visit if you can, and contact the agency/scheduler right after.

  2. Put a “no-alone” buffer in place for the next visit.
    Until a replacement is arranged, try to have another person present, keep your phone on you, and avoid being alone in private spaces with them where possible. If you cannot safely accept care alone, tell the scheduler you need two-person visits or a different worker immediately.

  3. Contact the employer/agency and ask for a replacement caregiver right away.
    Call the home health/personal care agency, program coordinator, or facility administrator and say: “This caregiver is making sexual comments. I’m afraid of retaliation. I need them removed from my case and a different person assigned.”
    Ask for:

    • A new caregiver assigned immediately
    • A note on your file about retaliation risk
    • A single point of contact (supervisor/safeguarding lead)
    • If relevant, a plan for keys/access so you’re not dependent on the same person

  4. Make a report to Adult Protective Services (APS) in your area.
    APS is the usual state/county route for suspected abuse, neglect, or exploitation of vulnerable adults. Tell them you rely on this person for care and fear retaliation, and ask for help arranging safer care and supports.
    If you don’t know how to reach APS locally, you can try 211 (where available) for local adult protection/social services contacts. If 211 isn’t available or doesn’t connect you quickly, search “Adult Protective Services” + your state/county, or (especially for older adults and their caregivers) call the Eldercare Locator for referrals.

  5. If you’re in a nursing home/assisted living, contact the Long-Term Care Ombudsman.
    The Long-Term Care Ombudsman program helps residents address safety and care concerns in long-term care settings, and can help you navigate getting the staff member removed from contact and getting safer care.

  6. Get confidential specialist support (without committing to a report).
    You can contact RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline for confidential support and to be connected to local resources. You do not have to decide right now whether you’ll report to police; support can be a first step.

  7. Make a minimal private record (only if safe).
    Write down: date/time, what was said (brief), where it happened, why you fear retaliation, and what care you depend on them for. This is mainly so you don’t have to rely on memory under stress.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide right now whether to file a police report, make a formal complaint, or pursue legal action.
  • You do not need to craft a perfect explanation—“sexual comments + fear of retaliation + I need a different caregiver” is enough.
  • You do not need to gather extensive evidence today. Your safety and stable care come first.

Important reassurance

When someone controls access to daily care, it’s normal to feel trapped, to doubt yourself, or to worry you’ll lose help if you speak up. Asking for a replacement and involving a third party is a protective step, and you deserve care that is safe and respectful.

Scope note

These are first steps to stabilise safety and protect your access to care. Additional options (formal complaints, advocacy, police, civil remedies, licensing/employer complaints) can come later with support.

Important note

This is general information, not legal or medical advice. If you are in immediate danger call 911. If you rely on the caregiver for essential daily needs and fear retaliation, prioritize contacting the agency/supervisor and APS promptly so care can be changed without putting you at greater risk.

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