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What to do if…
you need to tell a child that a relative is dying soon

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy USA guide

Short answer

Tell the child as soon as you can in clear, simple words: “[Name] is dying” or “[Name] will die soon.” Stay close afterwards and give the child a simple plan for who will care for them today and tonight.

Do not do these things

  • Do not use vague phrases like “going to sleep,” “lost,” or “gone away”; children may take them literally.
  • Do not give exact timing you cannot know.
  • Do not promise recovery to soften the shock.
  • Do not flood the child with medical details or adult decisions about treatment.
  • Do not tell the child and then abruptly leave them alone or send them away unless another trusted adult is ready to stay with them.
  • Do not pressure the child to visit, touch, pray, talk, or “say goodbye” on command.
  • Do not ask the child to protect adults from feelings, such as “don’t make Grandma sad.”

What to do now

  1. Choose a quiet place and one main speaker.
    Sit near the child, use a calm voice if you can, and have one trusted adult do most of the talking. If you are very upset, ask another steady adult to sit with you.

  2. Ask what the child has noticed.
    Try: “What have you noticed about [Name] lately?” or “What do you think is happening?” This helps you correct frightening guesses quickly.

  3. Say the truth in one or two short sentences, then pause.
    Try: “The doctors say [Name] is very sick, and they are dying.”
    Or: “[Name]’s body is stopping working, and they will die soon.”
    Then stop for a moment and let the child react.

  4. Answer the fears children may not say out loud.
    Say: “This is not because of anything you did, said, or thought.”
    Say: “You will be taken care of. Today you will be with [adult], tonight you will sleep at [place], and you can come to [adult] with questions.”
    If illness or infection is part of the situation, say: “An adult or doctor will tell us if there is anything we need to do to stay safe.”

  5. Explain “die” in concrete words if needed.
    Keep it short: “When someone dies, their body stops working. They are no longer alive, and they do not feel pain or hunger the way living people do.”

  6. Offer one or two choices for connection.
    Depending on the time and the child’s age, offer a short visit, a video or phone call, a drawing, a note, a photo, or a voice message. Make clear that the child can say no, change their mind, or leave a visit early.

  7. Prepare the child before any visit.
    Briefly describe what they may see: sleepiness, weakness, tubes, machines, changed breathing, or adults crying. Say who will stay beside them and where they can go if they want a break.

  8. Make a next-24-hours plan the child can repeat back.
    Say where they will be, who is picking them up, who is making food, who is staying overnight, and who they can ask for help. Keep it practical and specific.

  9. Tell the school or childcare setting today if the child is going there.
    Contact the teacher, school counselor, nurse, or main office. Ask for one point person so the child does not have to explain the situation again and again.

  10. Ask the hospital or hospice team for help with the child.
    Ask for the social worker, palliative care team, spiritual care or chaplain service, or bereavement support. If the hospital has a child life specialist, ask whether they can help prepare the child for a visit or help you find age-appropriate words.

What can wait

  • You do not have to decide now about funerals, memorials, keepsakes, or longer-term grief support.
  • You do not need to explain every medical detail, prognosis change, or family disagreement.
  • You do not need to answer every question immediately; “I don’t know yet, but I will tell you when I do” is enough.
  • You do not need to make the conversation perfect. Children often come back with more questions later.

Important reassurance

Children often take in big news in pieces. A child may cry, go quiet, ask practical questions, get angry, seem distracted, or return to play. Those reactions do not mean you said it wrong or that the child does not care.

Scope note

These are first steps for the first conversation and the next day or two. Later decisions about grief support, school support, memorial attendance, medical questions, or family conflict may need help from appropriate professionals or specialist services.

Important note

This is general information, not medical, mental health, legal, therapeutic, or other professional advice. If a child or anyone else may be in immediate danger, call 911. If someone needs urgent mental health crisis support in the U.S., call or text 988, or use the 988 Lifeline chat.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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