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What to do if…
you receive a request for money “for funeral costs” from someone you do not fully trust

Short answer

Don’t send money yet. Verify the situation independently, and only give in a way that can’t be redirected — ideally by paying the funeral provider directly.

Do not do these things

  • Don’t pay because the message is urgent, emotional, or threatening (e.g., “the service will be canceled unless…”).
  • Don’t use hard-to-reverse methods (wire transfer, gift cards, crypto, instant-transfer apps) with someone you don’t fully trust.
  • Don’t click payment links or “invoice” links from the requester.
  • Don’t share one-time passcodes, bank login info, photos of ID, or personal details “to prove it’s you.”
  • Don’t keep negotiating in real time — pressure is part of the risk.

What to do now

  1. Send one calm boundary line, then pause.
    Example: “I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t send money immediately — I’ll help once I’ve verified the details.”

  2. Ask for details you can verify (in writing).
    Request: the deceased’s full name, the funeral home name, the funeral home phone number/address, the service date (if known), and a written breakdown or invoice/statement from the funeral provider.

  3. Verify independently (don’t rely on their phone number or links).
    Look up the funeral home yourself and call the main number. Ask if they can confirm they’re handling arrangements for that person (they may be limited by privacy), and ask what legitimate payment options exist.

  4. If you want to help, use a “can’t-be-diverted” method.

    • Best: pay the funeral home directly using their official payment method and any reference number they provide.
    • Or: donate to a named charity via the charity’s official site, or send tangible support (flowers/meal delivery) through a service you choose.
    • If there’s a fundraiser, contribute only after verifying who created it and how funds are handled, and prefer card payments with clearer dispute paths.

  5. If you already sent money, act quickly.
    Contact your bank/card issuer/payment app immediately, say you suspect fraud, and ask about canceling or disputing the transaction. Save confirmation numbers and timestamps.

  6. Save evidence (lightly).
    Screenshot the messages, usernames, payment handles, and requests. Don’t keep clicking links; just preserve what you already received.

  7. Report the scam if it seems suspicious or you lost money.

    • Report to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
    • For internet-enabled fraud, report to the FBI’s IC3 (ic3.gov / complaint.ic3.gov). Type the address yourself rather than following links in messages.
    • If you’re being threatened or extorted, contact local law enforcement via a non-emergency number (or 911 if you’re in immediate danger).

What can wait

  • You don’t need to “figure out the whole truth” tonight to make the safe choice: verify first, pay providers directly if you choose to help.
  • You don’t need to confront the person, post publicly, or explain yourself beyond “I verify before I pay.”
  • You don’t need to decide whether to keep the relationship — focus on preventing a money loss first.

Important reassurance

Being targeted around death and grief is common because it’s emotionally disorienting and people want to help quickly. Taking a pause and verifying details is a caring, protective move — not a betrayal.

Scope note

These are first steps to reduce pressure and prevent an irreversible payment. If the request is legitimate, you can still support them after verification in a safer way.

Important note

This is general information, not legal or financial advice. If you feel unsafe, stop contact and get help from your bank/payment provider and appropriate reporting channels.

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