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us Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations reproductive coercion • forced pregnancy concerns • partner birth control sabotage • contraception sabotage • condom tampering fear • stealthing concerns • partner refuses contraception • partner hides pills • pregnancy pressure • forced unprotected sex • consent not respected • intimate partner violence • controlling relationship behaviour • worried about pregnancy risk • need confidential sexual health care • emergency contraception worries • afraid to confront partner • partner monitors phone • safety planning now • insurance privacy concern • relationship feels unsafe

What to do if…
you suspect your partner is trying to get you pregnant or prevent pregnancy against your wishes

Short answer

Get to a safer pause and contact confidential support (a domestic violence advocate or a clinic) using a device/account your partner cannot monitor. If pregnancy is possible, seek time-sensitive medical advice as soon as you safely can.

Do not do these things

  • Do not confront them right away if you think it could trigger retaliation, violence, or tighter control.
  • Do not rely on promises or explanations if your consent is being pressured or overridden — treat this as a safety issue.
  • Do not search for help on a shared phone, shared computer, or shared accounts if monitoring is possible.
  • Do not make big contraception changes without a clinician if pregnancy is possible — get medical advice as soon as you safely can.
  • Do not delete messages/photos out of panic if you might want support later.

What to do now

  1. Create a safer pause. If you can, move to somewhere you can think and communicate privately (bathroom with the door locked, outside, a public place, a friend’s home). If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
  2. Reach out from a safer device and safer accounts. If your phone might be monitored, use a friend’s phone, a work phone, or another device your partner cannot access. Avoid shared Apple/Google accounts and shared location sharing if possible.
  3. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Ask for a short, practical safety plan for the next 24–72 hours (safe communication, where to go if things escalate, what to keep accessible). If calling isn’t safe, consider chat-based support.
  4. Get confidential sexual and reproductive health care. Contact a clinic (for example Planned Parenthood or another local provider) and say: “I’m worried a partner is interfering with contraception or consent. I need confidential options.” Ask about:
    • Pregnancy testing and appropriate timing.
    • Emergency contraception if relevant to recent sex.
    • Contraception options that are harder to tamper with, if you want them.
    • STI testing if there was condom interference, non-consensual sex, or pressure you couldn’t safely refuse.
  5. Protect confidentiality around insurance if that’s a risk. If you’re on someone else’s insurance plan (or your partner can see bills/mail), tell the clinic you’re concerned about privacy and ask what they can do to reduce disclosures (for example, safer communication preferences, alternative billing options, or referrals).
  6. If you want to preserve options, save a simple record somewhere safe. Note dates and what happened (missing pills, damaged condoms, threats/pressure, refusal to let you use contraception). Store it somewhere your partner can’t see (with a trusted person, or a private account they don’t know exists).
  7. Tell one trusted person and set a check-in. A single ally can reduce risk. Keep it simple and safety-focused (a time to call, a code word meaning “call 911” or “come get me”).
  8. If you think what happened may have been sexual assault (or you’re unsure), contact sexual assault support. You can contact RAINN for confidential support and help finding local services. You do not have to decide about reporting in order to get support.

What can wait

  • You do not need to decide right now whether to report to police, seek a protective order, leave the relationship, or disclose to family.
  • You do not need to gather “proof” before contacting a hotline or clinic.
  • You can decide later what level of documentation you want to keep and whether you want legal advice.

Important reassurance

Many people feel uncertain and second-guess themselves in situations like this. Wanting control over if/when you become pregnant is a basic right, and support is available even if you’re not ready to take big steps.

Scope note

These are first steps to reduce immediate risk, protect your choices, and connect you to confidential support. Longer-term decisions can be made later with advocates and clinicians.

Important note

This is general information, not medical or legal advice. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If pregnancy or health harm is possible, seek urgent clinical care as soon as you safely can.

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