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us Sexual violence & highly sensitive situations

What to do if…
a teacher, coach, or mentor sends sexual messages or asks for secret communication

Produced and maintained by PanicStation.org Published: Last reviewed: Editorial policy USA guide

Short answer

Move somewhere you are not alone with this person, stop replying, and tell one safe person who is outside their authority. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger.

Do not do these things

  • Do not meet this person alone or move the conversation to a more private or disappearing channel.
  • Do not send sexual images, passwords, personal details, or your location.
  • Do not send more messages to test their intentions or make them admit what they are doing.
  • Do not confront them alone or warn them that you are seeking help.
  • Do not forward or publicly post sexual messages or images.
  • Do not assume that a request for secrecy must be honored.
  • Do not blame yourself for replying, trusting them, or feeling unsure.

What to do now

  1. Go to a place where another safe person is present. If the person is nearby, threatening you, trying to meet you, or you feel in immediate danger, call 911.
  2. Stop replying for now. Do not move the conversation to another phone, account, or app, and do not agree to meet privately.
  3. Tell one safe person who is not controlled by the teacher, coach, or mentor. You can say: “An adult in authority sent me sexual messages and asked me to keep them secret. I need you to stay with me and help me feel safe.”
  4. If you are under 18, tell a parent, guardian, school counselor, nurse, administrator, or another trusted adult. If the first person does not help or is closely connected to the sender, tell someone else.
  5. If this person is connected to a school or education program covered by Title IX, ask your safe person to help you contact its Title IX coordinator. Otherwise, use an administrator, safeguarding, misconduct, or equivalent support route for the organization. Before giving details, you can ask what information the person you contact may be required to share.
  6. If it is safe and does not expose you to further contact, keep the messages or ask your safe person to preserve them, but do not forward or publicly post sexual images.
  7. Ask your safe person to help turn off location sharing, review who can contact you, and secure any account the person may be able to access.
  8. If you are under 18, contact Childhelp for support concerning possible child abuse. Call 800-422-4453, text GO to 800-422-4453, or use its online chat.
  9. For confidential support concerning sexual abuse or misconduct, contact RAINN. Call 800-656-4673, text HOPE to 64673, or use its online chat.
  10. If you are under 18 and the contact happened online, you can review the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children CyberTipline with your safe person. You do not need to decide about making a report before asking for support.

What can wait

You do not need to decide now whether to make a formal complaint, contact police, leave the school, team, or program, confront the person, or tell everyone you know. Focus first on avoiding private contact, bringing in one safe supporter, and protecting your location and accounts.

Important reassurance

A teacher, coach, or mentor is responsible for keeping communication appropriate. Their request for secrecy does not create an obligation, and you did not cause this by replying, trusting them, accepting attention, or feeling uncertain. You can ask for support without first deciding what to call the behavior.

Scope note

This guide covers immediate safety and support only. Later decisions about school or organization procedures, reporting, healthcare, legal options, or ongoing contact may require help from a specialist advocate or another trusted professional.

Important note

This is general information, not legal, medical, therapeutic, or other professional advice. Laws, reporting duties, confidentiality rules, Title IX procedures, and organizational policies vary by state, role, and institution. Some adults may be required to share concerns about a minor’s safety, so ask about confidentiality before providing identifying details when that matters to you.

Additional Resources

Closely connected guides that may be useful during the same situation or its immediate aftermath.

About this guide

This guide was produced and is maintained by PanicStation.org using its published editorial process. Official and specialist sources are checked where relevant, and AI-assisted tools may be used for drafting, organisation, and consistency checks. The site operator remains responsible for publication, revision, and removal decisions.

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